There are certain milestones that a griever has to go through on their journey. The first year is the hardest because you hit all of these milestones for the first time. Some come around in their time as the following years travel their cycle. In my opinion, the birthday of a beloved deceased is one of the worst. Today was that day for me.

Today, I am wishing happy birthday to my dear dead husband because it’s a way to celebrate the life we had together, while also honouring where he would be now if he was living. Being aware of this moment is a touchstone point, a time when I can reach out to his ghost and feel him again, even if it’s just in my mind.

Memorial Birthdays Are Weird

There are two bookends which are important in acknowledging his life: his birthday and his death day.

It’s totally weird to be saying happy birthday to someone who has passed away. They’re dead, they can’t celebrate one year getting older because they aren’t getting any older. Their permanently paused at the age that they were when they passed.

In my case, my husband will be 40 forever, while I keep getting older. Today, I’m older than him by four years. That’s a mind blaster considering that I was four years younger than him. Yet, I need to once again acknowledge this by saying Happy Birthday to my dear dead husband.

No More Memories To Create

He’s going to be 40 forever. He isn’t going to be stressing about how close to 50 he is. He doesn’t get to have a mid-life crisis.

He also doesn’t get to see his son grow up. Doesn’t get to experience the thrill of going on a roller coaster with him. I can’t go on those, so my boy goes all by himself. I KNOW that his dad and him would have been been out of their minds to fly together.

He doesn’t get to share any more memories with me. There will be no more pictures of him to look at. The ones we have is all we’ve got. There are no more. Gods, I wish I’d taken more.

He doesn’t get to see his unfinished dreams become accomplished. His accomplishments stand for what they are, and they are fantastic, but they’ve been cut short.

He also doesn’t get to grow old with me, like we expected. ‘Till death do we part. His life was cut short, suddenly, unexpectedly.

Ironically, he never anticipated to make it to the age he did. He had this feeling since he was young that he’d make his late 30’s, but after that it was a haze.

Ironically, he couldn’t get over that he made it to his 40th birthday. Until he died months later.

So, yeah for making it that far? I guess?

External link: Happy Birthday In Heaven Poems

If You Are Looking To Comfort A Widow

I’m sure there are many of you out there who have friends who have lost a loved one. Please know that they need your constant support.

At the beginning, there is always an outpouring of love but after some time people go back to their everyday lives. Grievers can’t do that. Their “normal” lives have veered completely off track.

Reach out to your friend.

Let them know that you acknowledge with them the anniversary of their dear dead husband’s death. Tell them that you are there with them in solidarity.

A widow feels especially alone on these milestones, and they are craving someone to understand how amazing their dearly departed was. To never forget. Even just reaching out in a comment on a post on social media or text will do wonders.

5 Life-Changing Ways to Find Yourself After Losing Your Spouse (even if you’re not in counseling)

If You Are A Widow, How to Say Happy Birthday to Your Dear Dead Husband

This day is hard. You have to deal with the fact that your loved one is still gone, yet they are still alive and well in your memories.

There are several ways you can celebrate.

• If they have a Facebook profile or any other social medium, post on their wall. Tell them how much you love them, as if they were still here.
• Carry something that identifies their personality on you. For me, my husband wore a particular hat everyday. This hat still carries his scent, even after the years. On his birthday, I carry this hat close to me to wish happy birthday to my dear dead husband.
• If you have children with them, acknowledge this day with them by making a birthday cake, and blow out the candles with them.

Acknowledge the birthday of your dear dead husband by feeling whatever feelings you have at this moment. That is a testament of love in itself.Click To Tweet

Happy Birthday to my Dear Dead Husband

You’re one year older, or would have been if you were still alive. Even though you died years ago, I still remember you and celebrate who you were. I will continue celebrating your birthday, because it celebrates your life as it was, and I will continue to do so.

Grief does get easier, but it’s always there in the background. Ready to pop out and surprise with another wave of sadness. Today, on the day of your birth, I celebrate your life. As it was. And will always be. As my love for you will be as well.